Something Is Not Right
by Lauren86
Summary: Rufus and Lily are engaged, they finally have everything they have ever wanted. But Lily knows that something doesn't feel right.
1. Chapter 1

Another story that I have had on my computer for a while and not quite finished yet, set after and Lily and Rufus get engaged, what happened in the summer that sends Lily running to her mother.

Lily sat bolt upright in bed, she was breathing hard and she was dripping with sweat, she tried to catch her breath as she dabbed at the cold beads that were dripping down her temple. She turned to see Rufus still sleeping soundly, one arm draped around her waist. She was glad she hadn't woken him, it was the third night in a row this had happened, last night Rufus had woken up the moment she had, she blamed a nightmare when he was concerned about her waking so suddenly….but if she was honest with herself, she knew it wasn't a nightmare. Nightmares woke you because you were terrified, they came to you in sleep from a deep rooted fear that you probably never even knew you had. What was waking Lily up in the night was something different, something that she was scared of she knew that much, but this wasn't a nightmare, this was real life.

She crept slowly out of bed, moving Rufus's arm from around her. He stirred slightly but remained in his deep slumber and she smiled down at him, he always seemed to be smiling, even whilst asleep. It was something he had always done, even when they were kids. Of course back then, they had everything to smile about, the world was at their feet and they had nothing to worry about, other than where they were spending their next night, but as long as they were together, nothing else mattered. So it surprised her when they got back together that he still had that same content, dreamy smile on his face while he slept. She loved that about him. She slipped on her silk robe and quietly made her way out of their bedroom and padded down to the kitchen. Eric and Jenny were both out tonight so she needn't worry about being quiet. She opened the fridge and poured herself a cold glass of milk, she was so thirsty, all of the time recently.

She gulped down the cool liquid and poured herself another glass. Sitting herself on the bar stool, letting her sweaty palms rest on the cold surface. She caught sight of her engagement ring, the diamond sparkling in the moonlight that was streaming in from the floor to ceiling windows in their apartment. She loved her ring, it may not have been the biggest diamond she had been given, or even the best quality, but she didn't care. It had come from Rufus, she had waited twenty years to wear his ring on her finger and so it meant more than all of the other rings she had worn combined. She would have worn that Lincoln Hawk wrist band around her finger for the rest of her life if it meant the world knew she belonged to him.

Looking down at it now, her mind was filled with doubts. Full of questions with no answers. She was scared, no she was terrified. Lily didn't like not knowing how her future was going to pan out. When Rufus had proposed, she was sure that this was it. Her and Rufus were together for good now. Nothing else could possibly stand in their way. He knew everything, about their son that she had given up, about why she had really left him all those years ago. That was her one big secret, the one thing that he could never find out, because he would surely hate her. He had been wonderful. Mad at first, yes, she thought she had lost him for a while, but somehow he had found it in his heart to forgive her, somehow he understood. It seemed strange to her that Rufus was able to understand something that twenty years later, even she couldn't quite grasp.

Knowing that their son was dead, still left her with an ache….deep down. Sometimes she almost forgot it was there, until she would look into Rufus's eyes and the image of her baby, their baby, would flood her mind once more. She was that nineteen year old girl again, staring down at her baby boy, their son who had Rufus's eyes and her nose. Their child who would forever be a part of them both, a symbol of their love without him ever knowing it. Giving him up had been the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She had not known that kind of heartbreak could even exist. She could still sometimes hear his screams as the nurse took him from her arms, those were the kind of nightmares that kept her awake for years, even after she had Serena. She would wake in the middle of the night and run to her room, just to make sure she was still there and that nobody had taken her away. Stupid, she knew she was, but it didn't make it any easier.

It was the right thing to do, she knew she wasn't ready to be his mother then, he deserved somebody better, instead of somebody who would look at him and remember what it was she had lost. The moment she had found out he died, a little part of her died with him. He was the dream, the dream that her and Rufus were a family, they might not have known it, but this person, this boy somewhere out there connected them both, and that somehow always comforted her. She had known she had no right to grieve a child that she gave up. She was never his mother, she had given birth to him, and she loved him as only a mother could. But she hadn't been there for him, she didn't know him, he didn't belong to her, but he would always be a part of her. She was glad she went through that with Rufus, she had kept him away for so many of the other emotional times in her life. It was so different having somebody there to hold her when she cried, she wasn't used to it…..but it felt good, it felt right.

Which is why at this point in her life, she didn't understand how she was going through something this scary on her own once again. It was her fault she knew that, she should just tell him, she loved him, she wanted to tell him everything, but once again, she was scared. On the outside Lily appeared to be a hardened Upper East Side woman, and in one respect she was, she did what was expected of her….she buttoned up and put on a smile for the rest of the world to believe was real. But deep down she was vulnerable and she was still that terrified nineteen year old who was pregnant and had no clue what to do for the best.

It was soon after he proposed that she started to feel…different, not unwell. Just… not herself. It was such a busy time, Rufus and Jenny were moving in. Serena was on the other side of the world, her life was changing around her, but instead of moving with it, she felt spaced out. She was happy though.. She knew that much. Herself, Rufus and the kids became a family. They had breakfast together every morning, they spent their days shopping with the kids, or walking just the two of them. One night he took her to this bar in Brooklyn and they both got ridiculously drunk, danced late into the night, and made love well into the morning, she felt like they were both teenagers once more, they were giddy, Lily was content. Rufus laughed at her the next day when she couldn't stop throwing up, she claimed she wasn't as young as she used to be and couldn't handle her liquor, knowing deep down that's not what it was. She was a Rhodes, her stomach was made of steel, it wasn't the alcohol. No, Lily knew then that something was not quite right.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own anything or anyone! Unfortunately!

She put it to the back of her mind for the next week or so, they were having such a lovely time together and it was almost time to go to the Hampton's for the summer. Maybe if she didn't think about it, it would all go away. She wanted nothing more for the five of them to go away for the summer, to get out of New York and just be together as a family. It was one hot night, the five of them were playing scrabble, they had been playing scrabble for nearly three hours. Lily felt so incredibly tired, but she didn't want to go to bed, it was only eight o'clock, she wanted to spend time with her new family. So she forced herself to stay awake, to concentrate as the letters blurred in front of her. Eric had called her name, telling her it was her turn. But she couldn't focus on him, on anything. She could barely catch her breath and the room was spinning. She mumbled something about needing some air and trying to stand. After that all she could remember was feeling Rufus catch her as she fell and everything went black.

She woke in her bed not knowing how she had gotten there. Rufus was lying next to her, his eyes open, watching her, worry etched on his face. He had been scared. That look in his eyes haunted Lily. The look he had, that something was wrong made her stomach drop. It was okay for her to feel scared. But not Rufus. She needed him to just be normal. She didn't want to hear his worries, she couldn't see his fear. That was worse than feeling it herself. So she brushed it off, she told him it was the heat, she told him that she hadn't eaten enough that day, she told him that she was simply light headed. He looked concerned still, but he bought it. She had smiled telling him she was fine, and kissed him hard to prove her point, she pushed him back on their bed and made love to him like they did when they were teenagers. She straddled his waist and devoured him. It exhausted her, but it made her feel alive. Afterwards she lay awake in his arms as he slept, he had believed her, she was sure of it. She felt sick as she stared out at the New York Skyline, she had to see a doctor, just to be sure. She held his arms tightly around her small frame, she would do this alone. There would be no need to tell him, until she knew she had something to actually tell him. There would be no need for maybe's or what if's. She would handle this alone…..for now at least.

Two days later she was sat in her doctors office. She was alone, it was the way she wanted it to be, but it didn't make her any less scared. She explained to the doctor her symptoms, her aching bones, her night sweats, and the fact that her seven for all mankind jeans were hanging loosely around her waist without even trying to lose any weight. He seemed concerned enough to set up immediate blood tests, MRI scan's and X-rays. The results would be back in a week. Her appointment was tomorrow. She still hadn't told anyone. She felt like a coward, she felt like she was in denial, but deep down she was sure she was doing the right thing. Why worry Rufus and the kids for no reason?

'Lily?…..Lil, you down there?' She heard Rufus making his way downstairs. 'Yeah, I'm in the kitchen' She called back to him. He rounded the corner and she saw him clad in his thick robe with his hair stood on end. 'You okay Baby? I reached out for you and you weren't there' He looked concerned and once again Lily's stomach dropped, it was that look she was trying to avoid. She smiled at him 'I'm sorry my Darling, I was just thirsty and thought I'd come and cool down' She twisted around on her stool to face him. He looked at her, furrowing his brow. 'You sure it wasn't another nightmare?' She reached out and grabbed his robe, pulling him towards her 'No, it was just this heat….it woke me up…' she lied. He looked down at her, he still looked unconvinced she noted. 'In fact…..how are you wearing a thick robe in this weather!' She laughed, trying to distract him from what was blaringly obvious once more. 'Well Lil, we have kids, I'm not about to come downstairs naked…..and I don't exactly think I'm a silk robe kinda guy' He ran his hands down her arms and she smiled at him. 'Well the kids are out tonight, I think you should take this off' She pulled at the knot on the robe until it came undone and hung loosely at his sides. She smiled seductively up at him, biting her lip. 'You know…it wasn't me who was too hot, why don't you loose yours?' He said running his hands up to her neck and pushing the silk off her shoulders, until it slid off her body. He had that cheeky grin on his face and it made her giggle. She reached forward and pulled him towards her, she kissed him softly staring into his eyes the whole time. She held her hand at the back of his head as he wrapped arms around her body. He moaned as he pulled her closer. 'This won't help us cool down you know' He mumbled against her lips, Lily smiled, her tongue still in his mouth. 'Mm' She moaned 'I like being hot for this reason' she smiled as he ran one hand up her thigh fingering the lace edge of her nightgown. 'Oh me too baby…' he mumbled back in between kisses.

She ran her fingers up his smooth chest and slid his robe off his shoulders so it fell to the floor. He pulled back and smiled at her. She cried out in surprise as he pulled her hips close to him hungrily. She wrapped her legs around him, letting him know exactly what she wanted, what she needed. She needed him to make her forget, forget for a moment that after tomorrow her world might shatter around her. She hoped for the best, but feared for the worst. She knew that if it was the latter, then Rufus would not be treating her as he was now. Rough. She was not a delicate flower that could be broken, many of her lovers had treated her as such and she hated it. Rufus was gentle, but he knew what she liked, and he wasn't afraid to do it to her. They had discovered their own bodies with each other, all of those years ago. Finding their way back to each other, had been like a magnetic force, an electricity which had lay dormant for years until they became one, and it exploded through their bodies once more. Every touch, every kiss, their bodies tingled. Waiting for someone for 20 years may not be the ideal way to liven up your sex life, but their first night back together after so long had been one of the greatest nights of their lives.

Lily threw her head back as Rufus slipped his finger between her legs 'Oh Rufus' she cried out in surprise. He licked his lips and kissed down her neck. She felt him hard against her thigh and she wrapped one leg tighter around him. He pulled back for a moment and looked at her. Her eyes shone in the moonlit room, she looked so beautiful, he had to have her. With one swoop he picked her up and she squealed in shock. Wrapping both legs around him he kissed her until he pinned her up against the wall, ridding her of the silk nightgown. His hands her on her again, still soft but just as knowing. She squeezed her eyes shut as they travelled lower and gasped as they moved deeper into her. He brushed her hair away from one shoulder and bent down to kiss her neck, softly at first, then more hungrily. He sucked at her throat as his hand pleasured her, and she moaned softly into his ear. Her back was arching off the wall against him, she had to have him. 'Rufus please….now' she begged 'You sure Lil?' he teased. 'Yes, now' She cried. Sensations shot through her like a series of lightening bolts as he obliged, for the first time in what felt like forever, she felt like herself again. He held her hips captive whilst he ground into her body 'Jesus Lily' he panted as she started to rock her hips to match his thrusts. 'Oh god' he groaned. 'Rufus!' She cried as he took her nipple in his mouth, sucking and nibbling at it. The combination of sensations was way beyond her pleasure threshold. Lily cried out as her orgasm peaked, with Rufus a second behind her. He planted a trail of kisses into her neck as he rested his head on her shoulder.

Her body felt like quicksand as she came down from her high, she clung on to him for dear life, for she was sure if she let go of him, she would sink to the floor. They gazed into each others eyes lovingly, and he kissed her softly. He was about to let her drop to floor when something stopped him. She had a look in her eye which stopped him from placing her back on the floor. He wanted to hold her. She smiled at him softly and brushed the hair away from his sweaty forehead. 'Rufus?' she whispered 'Yeah baby?' He replied smiling back at her. 'Take me to bed?' She asked him. He kissed her once more and nodded there was nothing he wanted to do more. He set her down for a moment before he scooped her up in both arms and carried her up to their room. Wrapping both arms around him, she let herself be held by him, he lay her down on their bed, somehow it seemed so much softer than before. He lay behind her, stroking her hair and her back, pulling her into him and holding her tightly in her arms. She felt so relaxed, more relaxed than she had felt in a long time. She was content. What happened tomorrow didn't matter, for right now she was safe in his arms, and nothing could hurt her whilst she was there. That wave of exhaustion which had been hovering at the edges of her mind floated softly down over her. 'I love you Rufus' She mumbled before she drifted off into a peaceful sleep. He told her he loved her too, but she was already asleep, he hoped she heard him, something told him that she needed to hear it right now. He kissed the top of her head and pulled her tightly into him, before giving in to sleep himself.


End file.
